As I sit here today, our last day of annual conference, I'm one big conflicted mess.
I'm a rational thinker, one who likes order, who prefers to see, feel, touch, smell, taste, or whatever to know things are real. I like to get up to my elbows in gunk to know what it is. This has always, ALWAYS been my problem with being Methodist. God, Jesus, all of it, they stories of man, tales told, written down, changed, and passed down. Can anyone say they've met God? Shook hands with Jesus?
However:
There a side of me that just wants to let go, open up to the literal "what if" questions about God, Jesus, the Bible, and just dive in. I watch the people around here, not the paid "holy" people, they don't count. The laity, those who do just because they believe. No payment, no "back scratching", just being servants because that's what the Bible says.
It conflicts me because in the grand scheme, I want to make a difference, to matter, to make my life mean something. True, I can do that without the church, but the amazing things they do, I cannot image this happening WITHOUT the church.
I've talked with people who've done great things with the church, yet, I've had elders in Alaska talk about how they were beaten by those of the church, told they were speaking "the devil's tongue" when they did spoke their native tongue, again, conflict.
At some point, this will get worked out, good, bad or otherwise. Until then, I live, tending my garden, loving my wife and kids, and trying to do the best I can.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Sunday, May 1, 2011
40
Yesterday I turned 40.
Ugg.
This has been that milestone I've not looked forward too. 20 means you are one year away from drinking legally. 30 usually means you are married, or with a partner of some sort, and have a direction you are going (job, kids, home, etc). 40, well, it's not so easy. My wife and I have been married 17 years as I turn forty, and I've spent more time alive with her vs. without. My kids are 12 and 10, beginning to spread their own baby wings and taking those first steps into the world to find out who they are. I've been at my job for 11 years now, with major changes that have taken place, and that will take place (I could write forever on that place). So 40 leaves you with very little as a direction as which to travel, which is where I'm at right now.
Which path? One that is the safe one, keep teaching, coaching, and playing the business as usual way of living. It's normal, accepted, and what people want to hear about ("how was school?" "how's life out there?")
OR
Cash it out. I'm finally starting to buy into the idea that my 403b, my state pension won't be there. I knew all along that SS wouldn't last for me, but after the last financial bump in the road, I've stopped making contributions into any retirement account. I've purchased tools, seeds, things to better our little piece of land, and things to store as well. Cash that and cash out of teaching, period. We have very little debt (mortgage not withstanding), a payment every six months coming from my wife's family farm, and I know I could substitute constantly if need be. What would I do? Turn my little piece of heaven into a money making venture. I know we could be successful, but would really have to cut back/cut down on the things we do right now. A few more chickens, a little more garden with a hoop house sort of set up or an addition to the house with a greenhouse, all of which are certainly doable.
Direction. Focus. I talk about it with my own children all the time.
Where is mine?
Ugg.
This has been that milestone I've not looked forward too. 20 means you are one year away from drinking legally. 30 usually means you are married, or with a partner of some sort, and have a direction you are going (job, kids, home, etc). 40, well, it's not so easy. My wife and I have been married 17 years as I turn forty, and I've spent more time alive with her vs. without. My kids are 12 and 10, beginning to spread their own baby wings and taking those first steps into the world to find out who they are. I've been at my job for 11 years now, with major changes that have taken place, and that will take place (I could write forever on that place). So 40 leaves you with very little as a direction as which to travel, which is where I'm at right now.
Which path? One that is the safe one, keep teaching, coaching, and playing the business as usual way of living. It's normal, accepted, and what people want to hear about ("how was school?" "how's life out there?")
OR
Cash it out. I'm finally starting to buy into the idea that my 403b, my state pension won't be there. I knew all along that SS wouldn't last for me, but after the last financial bump in the road, I've stopped making contributions into any retirement account. I've purchased tools, seeds, things to better our little piece of land, and things to store as well. Cash that and cash out of teaching, period. We have very little debt (mortgage not withstanding), a payment every six months coming from my wife's family farm, and I know I could substitute constantly if need be. What would I do? Turn my little piece of heaven into a money making venture. I know we could be successful, but would really have to cut back/cut down on the things we do right now. A few more chickens, a little more garden with a hoop house sort of set up or an addition to the house with a greenhouse, all of which are certainly doable.
Direction. Focus. I talk about it with my own children all the time.
Where is mine?
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Silver
Silver and gold, a Christmas favorite, seems be a favorite among buyers of precious metals right now. Before becoming Peak Oil aware, I'd always watch the TV as a kid and think "wow, $300 an ounce for that" thinking it was so expensive. How would that child react to see that now at $1,400 an ounce?
I won't pretend to know anything about the precious metals market, not in the least. All I know, as I purchase silver, either rounds or junk silver, each purchase is a little more then the time before, netting me a little less in the process. I know purchasing this won't save me, make my life any more special, or preserve anything of huge importance, but there's something about holding a silver round in your hand, knowing you own a piece of metal that's worth something.
As I work with my seeds, preparing for our garden, I often feel the same way, that I'm holding onto something that is worth something. Most people would laugh as I look at my collection, I can't help but think these will be worth their weight in metal someday. Plus, the ability to create food with those seeds, not just for the heck of it, but because people truly need it, that knowledge and education will be worth far more in the long run. I'm just glad I've got a chance to fail now, and drive to the store and replenishment my supplies. Before too long, that won't be the case.
Damnit, I should buy some more seeds! :)
Happy gardening!
I won't pretend to know anything about the precious metals market, not in the least. All I know, as I purchase silver, either rounds or junk silver, each purchase is a little more then the time before, netting me a little less in the process. I know purchasing this won't save me, make my life any more special, or preserve anything of huge importance, but there's something about holding a silver round in your hand, knowing you own a piece of metal that's worth something.
As I work with my seeds, preparing for our garden, I often feel the same way, that I'm holding onto something that is worth something. Most people would laugh as I look at my collection, I can't help but think these will be worth their weight in metal someday. Plus, the ability to create food with those seeds, not just for the heck of it, but because people truly need it, that knowledge and education will be worth far more in the long run. I'm just glad I've got a chance to fail now, and drive to the store and replenishment my supplies. Before too long, that won't be the case.
Damnit, I should buy some more seeds! :)
Happy gardening!
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Spring is springing!
Hello there blog, it's fine to see you today!
It's late March, and finally, the snow is gone! We've had in upwards of 2" of rain, which has taken a lot of the "gunk" off the roads, cars, and landscape. All we need now is a burst of warm weather, and things will start popping.
My seeds are all ordered, and two of the three orders are all ready at the house. I've got two kinds of corn, one which we used last year, and a second more "ancient" type I'll try too. I've also got some old Indian corn I'll throw out too. With the cost of feed rising quickly, I've got some other grains to try too, and with a the nice sized pull behind tiller I have, I'm thinking of opening up a lot of land this year (much to my wife's dismay!).
I'm still that worrier that I've written about, but my doominess has taken a more soft turn. I know I can't prepare for every event that could happen, so I'm just happy "being" right now. We'll have an awesome garden this year, plus, with the addition of two calves, our compost will be even sweeter. We'll be ordering chicks to replace some older layers so our egg productions is well. Plus, my food storage continues to grow, slowly but surely of both dry food stuff, and things to rotate. A funny for me, I love using half gallon jars to store, but I've only found them at Ace Hardware, a local hardware store. The last time I went, they were out, so when I saw one recently on a trip, I conned my wife into pulling in so I could get some jars. She just rolls her eyes, but yet, I think she can see what I'm saying isn't just a load of poo either.
Off to continue my "real" job! :)
It's late March, and finally, the snow is gone! We've had in upwards of 2" of rain, which has taken a lot of the "gunk" off the roads, cars, and landscape. All we need now is a burst of warm weather, and things will start popping.
My seeds are all ordered, and two of the three orders are all ready at the house. I've got two kinds of corn, one which we used last year, and a second more "ancient" type I'll try too. I've also got some old Indian corn I'll throw out too. With the cost of feed rising quickly, I've got some other grains to try too, and with a the nice sized pull behind tiller I have, I'm thinking of opening up a lot of land this year (much to my wife's dismay!).
I'm still that worrier that I've written about, but my doominess has taken a more soft turn. I know I can't prepare for every event that could happen, so I'm just happy "being" right now. We'll have an awesome garden this year, plus, with the addition of two calves, our compost will be even sweeter. We'll be ordering chicks to replace some older layers so our egg productions is well. Plus, my food storage continues to grow, slowly but surely of both dry food stuff, and things to rotate. A funny for me, I love using half gallon jars to store, but I've only found them at Ace Hardware, a local hardware store. The last time I went, they were out, so when I saw one recently on a trip, I conned my wife into pulling in so I could get some jars. She just rolls her eyes, but yet, I think she can see what I'm saying isn't just a load of poo either.
Off to continue my "real" job! :)
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