As I sit here today, our last day of annual conference, I'm one big conflicted mess.
I'm a rational thinker, one who likes order, who prefers to see, feel, touch, smell, taste, or whatever to know things are real. I like to get up to my elbows in gunk to know what it is. This has always, ALWAYS been my problem with being Methodist. God, Jesus, all of it, they stories of man, tales told, written down, changed, and passed down. Can anyone say they've met God? Shook hands with Jesus?
However:
There a side of me that just wants to let go, open up to the literal "what if" questions about God, Jesus, the Bible, and just dive in. I watch the people around here, not the paid "holy" people, they don't count. The laity, those who do just because they believe. No payment, no "back scratching", just being servants because that's what the Bible says.
It conflicts me because in the grand scheme, I want to make a difference, to matter, to make my life mean something. True, I can do that without the church, but the amazing things they do, I cannot image this happening WITHOUT the church.
I've talked with people who've done great things with the church, yet, I've had elders in Alaska talk about how they were beaten by those of the church, told they were speaking "the devil's tongue" when they did spoke their native tongue, again, conflict.
At some point, this will get worked out, good, bad or otherwise. Until then, I live, tending my garden, loving my wife and kids, and trying to do the best I can.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Sunday, May 1, 2011
40
Yesterday I turned 40.
Ugg.
This has been that milestone I've not looked forward too. 20 means you are one year away from drinking legally. 30 usually means you are married, or with a partner of some sort, and have a direction you are going (job, kids, home, etc). 40, well, it's not so easy. My wife and I have been married 17 years as I turn forty, and I've spent more time alive with her vs. without. My kids are 12 and 10, beginning to spread their own baby wings and taking those first steps into the world to find out who they are. I've been at my job for 11 years now, with major changes that have taken place, and that will take place (I could write forever on that place). So 40 leaves you with very little as a direction as which to travel, which is where I'm at right now.
Which path? One that is the safe one, keep teaching, coaching, and playing the business as usual way of living. It's normal, accepted, and what people want to hear about ("how was school?" "how's life out there?")
OR
Cash it out. I'm finally starting to buy into the idea that my 403b, my state pension won't be there. I knew all along that SS wouldn't last for me, but after the last financial bump in the road, I've stopped making contributions into any retirement account. I've purchased tools, seeds, things to better our little piece of land, and things to store as well. Cash that and cash out of teaching, period. We have very little debt (mortgage not withstanding), a payment every six months coming from my wife's family farm, and I know I could substitute constantly if need be. What would I do? Turn my little piece of heaven into a money making venture. I know we could be successful, but would really have to cut back/cut down on the things we do right now. A few more chickens, a little more garden with a hoop house sort of set up or an addition to the house with a greenhouse, all of which are certainly doable.
Direction. Focus. I talk about it with my own children all the time.
Where is mine?
Ugg.
This has been that milestone I've not looked forward too. 20 means you are one year away from drinking legally. 30 usually means you are married, or with a partner of some sort, and have a direction you are going (job, kids, home, etc). 40, well, it's not so easy. My wife and I have been married 17 years as I turn forty, and I've spent more time alive with her vs. without. My kids are 12 and 10, beginning to spread their own baby wings and taking those first steps into the world to find out who they are. I've been at my job for 11 years now, with major changes that have taken place, and that will take place (I could write forever on that place). So 40 leaves you with very little as a direction as which to travel, which is where I'm at right now.
Which path? One that is the safe one, keep teaching, coaching, and playing the business as usual way of living. It's normal, accepted, and what people want to hear about ("how was school?" "how's life out there?")
OR
Cash it out. I'm finally starting to buy into the idea that my 403b, my state pension won't be there. I knew all along that SS wouldn't last for me, but after the last financial bump in the road, I've stopped making contributions into any retirement account. I've purchased tools, seeds, things to better our little piece of land, and things to store as well. Cash that and cash out of teaching, period. We have very little debt (mortgage not withstanding), a payment every six months coming from my wife's family farm, and I know I could substitute constantly if need be. What would I do? Turn my little piece of heaven into a money making venture. I know we could be successful, but would really have to cut back/cut down on the things we do right now. A few more chickens, a little more garden with a hoop house sort of set up or an addition to the house with a greenhouse, all of which are certainly doable.
Direction. Focus. I talk about it with my own children all the time.
Where is mine?
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Silver
Silver and gold, a Christmas favorite, seems be a favorite among buyers of precious metals right now. Before becoming Peak Oil aware, I'd always watch the TV as a kid and think "wow, $300 an ounce for that" thinking it was so expensive. How would that child react to see that now at $1,400 an ounce?
I won't pretend to know anything about the precious metals market, not in the least. All I know, as I purchase silver, either rounds or junk silver, each purchase is a little more then the time before, netting me a little less in the process. I know purchasing this won't save me, make my life any more special, or preserve anything of huge importance, but there's something about holding a silver round in your hand, knowing you own a piece of metal that's worth something.
As I work with my seeds, preparing for our garden, I often feel the same way, that I'm holding onto something that is worth something. Most people would laugh as I look at my collection, I can't help but think these will be worth their weight in metal someday. Plus, the ability to create food with those seeds, not just for the heck of it, but because people truly need it, that knowledge and education will be worth far more in the long run. I'm just glad I've got a chance to fail now, and drive to the store and replenishment my supplies. Before too long, that won't be the case.
Damnit, I should buy some more seeds! :)
Happy gardening!
I won't pretend to know anything about the precious metals market, not in the least. All I know, as I purchase silver, either rounds or junk silver, each purchase is a little more then the time before, netting me a little less in the process. I know purchasing this won't save me, make my life any more special, or preserve anything of huge importance, but there's something about holding a silver round in your hand, knowing you own a piece of metal that's worth something.
As I work with my seeds, preparing for our garden, I often feel the same way, that I'm holding onto something that is worth something. Most people would laugh as I look at my collection, I can't help but think these will be worth their weight in metal someday. Plus, the ability to create food with those seeds, not just for the heck of it, but because people truly need it, that knowledge and education will be worth far more in the long run. I'm just glad I've got a chance to fail now, and drive to the store and replenishment my supplies. Before too long, that won't be the case.
Damnit, I should buy some more seeds! :)
Happy gardening!
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Spring is springing!
Hello there blog, it's fine to see you today!
It's late March, and finally, the snow is gone! We've had in upwards of 2" of rain, which has taken a lot of the "gunk" off the roads, cars, and landscape. All we need now is a burst of warm weather, and things will start popping.
My seeds are all ordered, and two of the three orders are all ready at the house. I've got two kinds of corn, one which we used last year, and a second more "ancient" type I'll try too. I've also got some old Indian corn I'll throw out too. With the cost of feed rising quickly, I've got some other grains to try too, and with a the nice sized pull behind tiller I have, I'm thinking of opening up a lot of land this year (much to my wife's dismay!).
I'm still that worrier that I've written about, but my doominess has taken a more soft turn. I know I can't prepare for every event that could happen, so I'm just happy "being" right now. We'll have an awesome garden this year, plus, with the addition of two calves, our compost will be even sweeter. We'll be ordering chicks to replace some older layers so our egg productions is well. Plus, my food storage continues to grow, slowly but surely of both dry food stuff, and things to rotate. A funny for me, I love using half gallon jars to store, but I've only found them at Ace Hardware, a local hardware store. The last time I went, they were out, so when I saw one recently on a trip, I conned my wife into pulling in so I could get some jars. She just rolls her eyes, but yet, I think she can see what I'm saying isn't just a load of poo either.
Off to continue my "real" job! :)
It's late March, and finally, the snow is gone! We've had in upwards of 2" of rain, which has taken a lot of the "gunk" off the roads, cars, and landscape. All we need now is a burst of warm weather, and things will start popping.
My seeds are all ordered, and two of the three orders are all ready at the house. I've got two kinds of corn, one which we used last year, and a second more "ancient" type I'll try too. I've also got some old Indian corn I'll throw out too. With the cost of feed rising quickly, I've got some other grains to try too, and with a the nice sized pull behind tiller I have, I'm thinking of opening up a lot of land this year (much to my wife's dismay!).
I'm still that worrier that I've written about, but my doominess has taken a more soft turn. I know I can't prepare for every event that could happen, so I'm just happy "being" right now. We'll have an awesome garden this year, plus, with the addition of two calves, our compost will be even sweeter. We'll be ordering chicks to replace some older layers so our egg productions is well. Plus, my food storage continues to grow, slowly but surely of both dry food stuff, and things to rotate. A funny for me, I love using half gallon jars to store, but I've only found them at Ace Hardware, a local hardware store. The last time I went, they were out, so when I saw one recently on a trip, I conned my wife into pulling in so I could get some jars. She just rolls her eyes, but yet, I think she can see what I'm saying isn't just a load of poo either.
Off to continue my "real" job! :)
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Fall is creeping up....
Highs in the mid-70's, low's in the mid-50's......fall is starting to extend itself here.
Which makes me start thinking about next year all ready, and how I can make this garden better. This year's stuff, while it grew pretty well, was over whelmed by weeds, plain and simple. One thing I've got to try is the black plastic as mulch, especially for the melons. Speaking of melons, ours did NOT grow well at all. I had to replant both pumpkins and watermelons because of too much rain, and the muskmelon didn't grow at all, so I ended up buying a plant, which didn't do much better!
Anyway, back to weeds, I'm going to be getting some 2x8's this week, and start working on making more raised beds, as the ones we have right now produce quite nicely and the weeding is a cinch. I'm planning on bigger boxes (8x4) and seeing how they work out. The only problem with this is keeping the boxes well fertilized as those nutrients get sucked up pretty quick. The compost pile is working like crazy, but I need to find a reliable farmer or someone where I can get a truck load of manure without too much of an issue.
Next, I need to get the basement in order. We've got grow lights for the first time, now it's a matter of getting things set up for them. I'd love to be able to get a heating pad with the lights, but let's see how the lights do on their own first. I also need to get a handle on all the gardening crap that I have. Seeds, containers, soil, fertilizer, all this stuff is taking over the basement, much to my wife chagrin! I'm never going to be the most organized person in the world, but something needs to change! :D
That's it for tonight. I'm placing an order Emergency Essentials (little by little) then off to bed for a few hours of sleep before it's back to the grind!
Which makes me start thinking about next year all ready, and how I can make this garden better. This year's stuff, while it grew pretty well, was over whelmed by weeds, plain and simple. One thing I've got to try is the black plastic as mulch, especially for the melons. Speaking of melons, ours did NOT grow well at all. I had to replant both pumpkins and watermelons because of too much rain, and the muskmelon didn't grow at all, so I ended up buying a plant, which didn't do much better!
Anyway, back to weeds, I'm going to be getting some 2x8's this week, and start working on making more raised beds, as the ones we have right now produce quite nicely and the weeding is a cinch. I'm planning on bigger boxes (8x4) and seeing how they work out. The only problem with this is keeping the boxes well fertilized as those nutrients get sucked up pretty quick. The compost pile is working like crazy, but I need to find a reliable farmer or someone where I can get a truck load of manure without too much of an issue.
Next, I need to get the basement in order. We've got grow lights for the first time, now it's a matter of getting things set up for them. I'd love to be able to get a heating pad with the lights, but let's see how the lights do on their own first. I also need to get a handle on all the gardening crap that I have. Seeds, containers, soil, fertilizer, all this stuff is taking over the basement, much to my wife chagrin! I'm never going to be the most organized person in the world, but something needs to change! :D
That's it for tonight. I'm placing an order Emergency Essentials (little by little) then off to bed for a few hours of sleep before it's back to the grind!
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Late night ponderings
It seems like the only time I can write any more is late at night. My head gets going with the various "what if's" of life, and then there I am.
Anyway, I sit here with a probable case of mono, damnit all. My daughter was diagnosed with it two weeks ago on Friday, and I'm having the same symptoms (majorly sore throat, tired, achy all over). I'll probably not go to the dr, but I know that I can't be over doing it much either. I ran about 2.25 miles last night, and felt awful. I've not been running on a regular basis since June, and not truly regular since probably last year sometime. I know it's good for me, and I know I need to do it, my motivation has just disappeared.
My thoughts tonight, how do I make this little piece of heaven even more of a self-sufficent type of place. As you may or may not know, I'm firmly in the "doom and gloom" camp, and do not have much faith in our current system, or where it's going. Add onto that the fact we've either reached or will reach peak oil production in the very near future, and we need to do something to make ourselves less dependent on our own car, furnace, etc and all the gas/oil that is needed. Because of this, I'm also in the camp of being as self sufficient as possible. Now, this does not mean I'm making my own clothing, hauling water from the creek, and eating dandelion roots. But it does mean, how can we cut our own consumption, and create things here that either have value to us, or value to other we can trade/sell?
One thing I think we'll be doing is adding on a "sunroom" to our home probably next year. I want something big enough to sit in, have a chair or two, a place to hang out a bit, have a wood burning stove, AND a place where I can being some seedlings in the spring time. My wife, while not in that doomer group, still thinks this is a good idea, so we are looking at the finances of how we'd get this done without breaking the bank. Once my raise kicks in, I'm planning on almost every penny going into something that can help us here. My 403(b) sits, unfunded, and while I should fund something, right now, it's about getting physical things done here.
A second thing we'll get finished is fencing to continue to build pasture here. We did some on Monday with my parents, and while it wasn't much, it was enough for us to realize "damn, we can do this". That's always been my problem, not the doing, but getting over that scared, oh crap what if I fail thing. I'm sure every one has that, but it just seems to be something that's always hindered me.
If things go well, I think we should have something in place by the time snow flies, which means I have to get started on my last thing, building pasture. We've got one end of this little land that works well for pasture, but the middle part, what we'll be fencing soon, is a combination of weeds, really big weeds, and a little bit of grass just because. I need to get things tilled up, and some seed out there to see if we can get something into the ground with good roots before it gets too cold. We'll see how it all pans out, but even this part, the fencing and pasturing can get done, that will make next spring even that much more exciting.
Anyway, I sit here with a probable case of mono, damnit all. My daughter was diagnosed with it two weeks ago on Friday, and I'm having the same symptoms (majorly sore throat, tired, achy all over). I'll probably not go to the dr, but I know that I can't be over doing it much either. I ran about 2.25 miles last night, and felt awful. I've not been running on a regular basis since June, and not truly regular since probably last year sometime. I know it's good for me, and I know I need to do it, my motivation has just disappeared.
My thoughts tonight, how do I make this little piece of heaven even more of a self-sufficent type of place. As you may or may not know, I'm firmly in the "doom and gloom" camp, and do not have much faith in our current system, or where it's going. Add onto that the fact we've either reached or will reach peak oil production in the very near future, and we need to do something to make ourselves less dependent on our own car, furnace, etc and all the gas/oil that is needed. Because of this, I'm also in the camp of being as self sufficient as possible. Now, this does not mean I'm making my own clothing, hauling water from the creek, and eating dandelion roots. But it does mean, how can we cut our own consumption, and create things here that either have value to us, or value to other we can trade/sell?
One thing I think we'll be doing is adding on a "sunroom" to our home probably next year. I want something big enough to sit in, have a chair or two, a place to hang out a bit, have a wood burning stove, AND a place where I can being some seedlings in the spring time. My wife, while not in that doomer group, still thinks this is a good idea, so we are looking at the finances of how we'd get this done without breaking the bank. Once my raise kicks in, I'm planning on almost every penny going into something that can help us here. My 403(b) sits, unfunded, and while I should fund something, right now, it's about getting physical things done here.
A second thing we'll get finished is fencing to continue to build pasture here. We did some on Monday with my parents, and while it wasn't much, it was enough for us to realize "damn, we can do this". That's always been my problem, not the doing, but getting over that scared, oh crap what if I fail thing. I'm sure every one has that, but it just seems to be something that's always hindered me.
If things go well, I think we should have something in place by the time snow flies, which means I have to get started on my last thing, building pasture. We've got one end of this little land that works well for pasture, but the middle part, what we'll be fencing soon, is a combination of weeds, really big weeds, and a little bit of grass just because. I need to get things tilled up, and some seed out there to see if we can get something into the ground with good roots before it gets too cold. We'll see how it all pans out, but even this part, the fencing and pasturing can get done, that will make next spring even that much more exciting.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
I am here
It' s 2:00 AM, and I'm here. I'm up because a lightening strike hit fairly close, so the thunder just jarred me awake, and my wife as well. She went right back to sleep, me, wide freekin' awake! :)
I've done a lot of thinking about where I'm at in life, where I'd like to be, and where I'll probably end up. My daughters are beautiful creatures, and while they are still here, I'm planning on doing as much for them as I can. My wife is an incredible woman, and I want for her as well.
What does that mean? It means bucking up, strapping on, and getting manned up for my job. I don't like where I'm at there. I'm not happy with my new teaching partner, I'm not happy with my administration, and most of all, I'm just not happy with myself. So, like I said, I love my family with all my heart, so even though I'm not in a good place right now, sometimes, it's not about me, it's about what is best for them, regardless of where that leaves me.
No, not a happy post, but an honest one.
Oh, and I love where I live. This place truly is a little piece of heaven, and the more I work here, the more I see myself here, period.
I've done a lot of thinking about where I'm at in life, where I'd like to be, and where I'll probably end up. My daughters are beautiful creatures, and while they are still here, I'm planning on doing as much for them as I can. My wife is an incredible woman, and I want for her as well.
What does that mean? It means bucking up, strapping on, and getting manned up for my job. I don't like where I'm at there. I'm not happy with my new teaching partner, I'm not happy with my administration, and most of all, I'm just not happy with myself. So, like I said, I love my family with all my heart, so even though I'm not in a good place right now, sometimes, it's not about me, it's about what is best for them, regardless of where that leaves me.
No, not a happy post, but an honest one.
Oh, and I love where I live. This place truly is a little piece of heaven, and the more I work here, the more I see myself here, period.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)